How (NOT) to Make Fudge

I came across this recipe called "Fudge Puddles." The picture made it look so good and my sweet tooth was calling me. It was necessary to make this. I went to the grocery store on a mission. Nothing was going to stop me.

I decided tonight was the night to make these little chocolate delights. This recipe has two separate parts, the second part calls for fudge. Fudge, as I'm sure many of you know this, calls for sweetened condensed milk. I, for one, have never made fudge before (I think you can guess what I did). When I saw it, I figured it wasn't REALLY important.... it's just milk right? Let's just throw in some.... milk.  It'll be ok. Half way through making it I realized I made a big mistake. The chocolate melted, however, the milk stayed in its liquid form so it just turned into chocolate milk. Clumpy chocolate milk. Mmmm. Yummy. So now I'm left with just these peanut butter circles... and clumpy chocolate milk. Great.

Then I realized how important sweetened condensed milk is and they don't just list something in the recipe as an option. Lesson learned. That is how you do not make fudge. On the flip side, the (now) peanut butter cookies turned out pretty good.

"Just Have Faith"

Faith by definition means to have confidence or trust in a person or thing. In this circumstance that person or thing would be God. I have been learning a lot about faith and trusting in God and allowing him to lead me.

This semester has been quite the experience. For the past two months I have been trying to get a job. I applied at several different places and haven't heard from anyone. I applied at Caribou and never got a call. Then I heard that several other people just got a job there. It's disappointing to hear something like this. But we learn that life goes on.

Then I got a call from J.C.Penney Portrait Studio. I sent an application to just try it out with no expectations. So this call caught me by surprise. I had two interviews with them and they really led me to believe that I would get hired. I really believed this was the job God was providing for me. It was perfect timing because I could potentially keep it after I graduate plus this would be a really good foot in the door for a later job. Not to mention that this is my dream job that I happened to have since I was eight. I found out during the time of the application process that a couple of my friends got hired. After waiting about a month, I found out I did not get the job because someone else was more qualified. Disappointment seemed like such an understated word for what I was feeling. Then thought I would try with Target and a week after applying I got an e-mail thanking me for applying but they were not interested. After all these rejections, I realized that God had a different plan for me and that was to continue working at my job in the deli. My perspective changed and it was like night and day. I started to appreciate the things I have right now and putting my trust in God and allowing him to take of me rather than me trying to fix everything for myself.

Another thing God has been revealing to me is my calling. Since I was sixteen, God had called me to Sweden to be a missionary. I was so excited to get going and to fulfill the call God had on my life. Then I went to Germany on my internship and since I've been back, I have felt my heart expanded from just Europe to the world. I was a bit confused and just ignored it for the time being. As I have gotten older, I have grown a love for the church and church planting. I love the leadership of a church and how they work together. I love how the Body of Christ functions together to build each other up. So I prayed and asked God what he wanted and all he said was "The world". I was a bit confused because I thought he called me to Europe and now he's changing on me. Needless to say, I was upset with God. In my mind at that time, I had built everything up to something that just suddenly changed. So I had a lot of dealing with on this issue. I then reminded God that he called me to Europe and he said "I called you to the unchurched". As you can probably guess, it shut me up and put me in my place. I wasn't really sure how to take this. This is a new picture of my calling. I'm not going to be a missionary, per se, but a church planter. I, and obviously my husband, will be planting churches in different areas of the world. I could see it starting in the States to get that foundation down and then going to different countries.

Also, I have always struggled with idea of being credentialed. I have always been uncomfortable with idea. I never had a peace about it. Then this summer I felt God saying that I'm not going to be credentialed but that my (future) husband will be. That reaffirmed my feeling of uneasiness. I suddenly started to have a peace about not being credentialed.

All of this made sense, but I was still struggling with the fact that God changed his call over my life. I don't understand. Then he gave me analogy that made so much sense and made me feel a lot better. It was like I've been sitting at a microscope and looking at this one detail for so long. I studied it for a long time that I knew everything about it, I just needed to put it into action. Every once in a while God would zoom out a little bit and I'd get confused and would be too much for me and he'd zoom back. Now all of a sudden, God zoomed out completely and now I'm looking at the whole picture. As he was zooming out, I was busy looking for the one detail I got used to staring at for so long. I kept trying to find it and then I saw the big picture. It took a bit to get used to it, but I started to like what I was looking at under the microscope. Who knows, it could still even just be a glimpse. But now after having this, I have more of a peace of my calling.

I also got another analogy. I told a few people of what this big picture looks like and they didn't seem convinced that I was excited about this. I am, I just have so much to process. Here's the analogy of how I was processing. It's like I just woke up. When I wake up, it takes me about 15 min to be alert and even then, I'm still in a daze. So I enter the living room and there's a giant Christmas tree in the middle of the living room that is fully decorated and lit (which was not there the day before) and also has an abundance of presents underneath and all of which are for me. So I'm standing there in a daze from waking up and now I'm not only processing that, but I'm processing this giant lit tree in my living room with presents all for me, and there were no signs of any of it the day prior. It's a bit overwhelming. There's just so much to take in that I don't even know what to think of it. I'm completely amazed that all of these presents are for me and I never saw it coming.

During this whole process, God had been speaking to me about faith. I would ask him if these presents were really for me and he would always just answer "Just have faith". Ok. I got it God. Just have faith. Every chapel service, every devotional, and every verse that popped up was about faith, trust, and waiting. Of course, I would keep asking if I had it right and he would constantly say to have faith. Then one day I went to chapel and the speaker was talking about surrender. You'd think at this point I would get it. He has just been constantly speaking to me and guiding me on the issue. Now I am walking in peace and I have faith that God knows what he is doing and has a plan. His plan has been consistent. All I need to do is just be still, be joyful, and have faith.

Going Back to Basics: Laundry

A year ago I went on a missions trip to India. It was a very real experience. I learned so much while I was there. One important thing I learned while there is how to do laundry by hand. I think it's safe to say that most of us, being American in this day in age, have never hand washed our laundry. Well, really, is it practical anymore? No. Why should we when we have a machine to do it for us? India is a very different world. I was in a house with 10 people and we just learned how to do it. To be honest, I never thought I would have the chance to do it. But you know, I wouldn't trade it for anything. It made me appreciate what I have at home and what most of the women around me in that culture do pretty much every day.

Now this is my last year of college. I also have an apartment. Things are changing and this is the perfect way to transition out of college life. One thing I just recently had the opportunity to do was wash my laundry by hand. It was definitely a flashback from my time spent in India. I had gone all weekend avoiding my laundry. I knew the time was coming and I just couldn't put it off anymore. Our lovely laundry machines are started by a special card. Without this magical card I was completely lost. I looked all over the place and there was no trace of my ticket to clean laundry. I found myself thinking "I really wish I could use coins."

Borrowing a friends card ended up only allowing me to do one load..... and only one wash. No dryer allowed. Something is better than nothing, right? I came back to my wonderful abode with load #2 staring at me waiting to be cleaned. The search for the magical card continued. It had to be somewhere. After much searching (and praying) I realized I needed to face it. I had no choice but to wash my clothes the old fashioned way.
                                                                                       

Now this is no easy feat. I carried this pile (which was like carrying a small mountain) and dumped it in the tub. Luckily, I had just enough laundry detergent to actually clean my clothes. Praise the Lord! Now the next question comes, where do I hang everything? I have a small apartment and not really places to hang things seeing as the only doors we have in the apartment is the front door, back door, and the door to the bathroom and no closets. I ended up having my sheets dry on the table like a tablecloth. I had shirts on hangers from the bunk bed and various other places. Although I was not particularly thrilled to be doing this by hand, I learned that God has a sense of humor. He just keeps finding new ways to humble me. And, I have clothes which are now finally dry.

Be Still, Be Joyful

This is a very hard subject to talk about, especially when it has to do with death of a friend. I had just started to miss my friend, Amanda, and thought about giving her a call. I kept thinking of all the things I had to update her on, classes, being a senior, possible job opportunity, and just the usual girl talk. The morning I found out, I decided to curl my hair. This is kind of a silly detail, but it's important because as I was curling my hair, I thought "I wonder if Mandy is curling her hair too. I should really give her a call." She always curled her hair. Then I got the dreaded phone call. The phone call I will never forget, "Mandy Osborn died in a car accident."

Utter shock is the only emotion I could describe at that moment. I was in complete disbelief that my friend, at 23 years old, could be dead. Tears started flowing uncontrollably. I cannot fathom it. It is so difficult to wrap my mind around it. My friend died. I have never had a friend die before. I never wanted it to happen.

It seemed so wrong to be grieving for my friend who had only been 23 for 2 months. I shouldn't be grieving for her, I should be calling her up and updating her on my life and hearing about what is new in hers. We were on the same floor together, sophomore year. I was her honorary roommate that year because I didn't have a roommate first semester. Mandy was a special person. She was always smiling and enjoying herself. When asked how she was doing or how her day was going she'd answer "I'm doing excellent!" "Why is that?" "Because the King is still on his throne. That is a good reason to be happy." So true Mandy.

There was no question about it, Mandy loved life and wanted more than anything to follow God's plan. Mandy lived out her faith. But the question still lingers, "Why would God allow something like this to happen to such a joyful person so soon?" I don't have answers and I probably won't find out until I see Mandy again.

As I kept praying and processing, I started to really get a peace about Mandy. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is in heaven praising Jesus with all that she has, and all that she is. She is in a place where there is no turmoil, there is no shame, there is no hurt or pain. There is only joy and peace and happiness. She is in a better place.

Mandy would say, "Why are you crying? You should be rejoicing because I get to be with the King of Kings!" She is the one wearing black in this picture.

All throughout my time at college, God has been speaking to me about learning how to be still. Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." In moments like this, I need him to be my peace and comfort. Mandy left behind a legacy, a legacy to be joyful. One thing I am learning is that even though my world may be crashing all around me, my God can fight for me, I need only to be still and rejoice in the Father. Thank you Mandy for teaching me how to be joyful.

She was such a great friend who made an impact on my life in more ways than she will ever know. It seems so unfair that she should get to sit at the throne room of the Father so soon. But I will see her again someday.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9

Swedish

Last week I decided to make Swedish pancakes. I was a little nervous at how they might turn out considering the first time I made them was an utter failure. I decided to call the master (a.k.a. Mom). I had a detailed step-by-step instruction, it's fool proof. Still, the nerves were going. During the process, there were several calls to mom. "Ok after I turn on the stove, then what?" Here goes lunch. If it fails, I will have Pizza Hut on standby. Anticipation grew as the first batch was poured onto the skillet. I'm happy to announce that there were no burns, bruises, or a call for Pizza Hut. It was a beautiful success. (There will a picture soon. My computer crashed. I guess this should be called "Life of the Struggling College Student")

German Ticket

I am going to Germany. Not just that, I am going alone. How intimidating is that? The last time I flew by myself, I was 12 years old and heading to Colorado. That was when anyone could walk up to the gate no problem. That was when I had my parents holding my hand, waiting with me until they called my ticket. Not now. Nope. I will be all by myself. I won't have someone bigger and significantly taller than me telling me where I need to go and waiting with me. I am doing this alone, ready to conquer the world....... maybe.

A couple weeks ago I bought my ticket.This is all completely new to me. I probably double checked 5 times. You know, I had to make sure I was getting the absolute right ticket, the right plane, the right city, didn't want to get lost in some foreign airport heading to Tokyo. That wouldn't go so well. Yet every time I check, it is Germany. No backing out now. No talking yourself out of this one now. Congratulations. You are going to Germany. Prepare for an adventure.